about me,  growing up,  scripture

Being on the other side of me.

I wonder what it’s like on the other side of me…

Self-awareness is not something that I think I’m that bad at. And I don’t mean to brag about that. If something has happened, I generally look at myself first, (my actions, words, ignorance) before I think of someone else being at fault. But I still feel like it’s something that I could work on – even the most aware person has habits or natural tendencies that they can’t even see. I want to know those things. Because you don’t know until you know, ya know?

All of this comes up because we started a new series at my church about relationships – it’s called, The Other Side of Me. And this first week, the pastor gave us an assignment. He said to ask a few people in your life, ones that you trust and that will be honest, this question: “What’s it like to be on the other side of me?”

(Check it out here: www.crosspoint.tv)

He said that we couldn’t respond. We couldn’t be defensive.

So, I prayed about it. I prepared myself to hear anything, even asked for “unfavorable or affirming” feedback. And in a weird way, I wanted to hear the unfavorable. Not because I wanted to feel bad about myself – I’m not a masochist, but I want to know if I’m doing something that’s causing someone else pain or hurt or even just annoyance.

So, I sent the question to a few people.

Some of the feedback:
  • You don’t know a stranger
  • You wear your heart on your sleeve.
  • My heart has been broken by some of the decisions that you’ve made
  • You are making an effort to be more positive and see more joy in life
  • You upset me when you backed out last minute to spend time with someone else.
  • I’ve felt your joy and worth has been way too dependent on the words and actions of others
  • You love hard
  • You are always there when I need sound advice
  • The distance and hurt from you is deeper than almost anyone else.
  • You beat yourself up more than needed
  • You give the glory to God
  • Loyal and loving who gives all you can
  • You are the type of friend anyone would be blessed to have in their life.
  • You love big and hard.
  • I’ve watched you push people away because they didn’t give you what you thought you needed.
  • You’re a strong type A person but you are also weak and vulnerable.
  • You have the biggest heart for people, even total strangers
  • You put too much stress on yourself
  • It’s been hurtful to be on the other side of your pride.
  • I’m inspired by you.
  • You motivate me to do things that are bigger than what my tiny comfort zone would allow
  • You are one of the bravest people I know
  • I’ve watched you respond to His commands in (terrified) obedience
  • You wear your feelings on your sleeve sometimes but it’s because you care so much about everyone
  • You can look a little harshly on others
 Yeah so that whole, “don’t defend yourself” part…a lot harder than you think. But I didn’t. And as soon as the thoughts entered my mind, I would remind myself that this will make me better. Take it.
It amuses me that so many times I was told how I wear my heart on my sleeves, because I thought I was so tough. 
Funny, right?
The plan is to continue to learn from this feedback because I never want someone on the other side of me to feel less important than me or than what they really are! Instead, I want the other side of me to feel joy around me and to walk away saying, “that was a pleasant experience.” I’m not perfect. Never will be. Not trying to be. But I want people to enjoy me.
Try this little experiment. But make sure your heart is ready. 🙂


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