I mentioned a few posts ago that I was going to start sharing some of my dating stories with you, so here goes the first one!
I was matched up with a guy recently who actually took the initiative and messaged me first. He seemed okay at first, the conversation flowed well, no red flags.
We chatted for about a week, I think, and exchanged phone numbers in the meantime. He asked me to dinner pretty early on, which is always a good sign. If they don’t do that soon, I start to think they aren’t real and that I need to send Nev and Max an email.
This guy reminded me of a friend back home (in regard to his looks) but sounded like an ex (in regard to his voice).
We met at a burger place not too far from where I live. Again, the night seemed to go well. The conversation flowed smoothly at dinner. We covered the normal dating resume points: family, high level relationship pasts, Nashville life and our jobs.
It was here that I had my first red flag.
He told me he was starting his own detailing business but that he was taking a break for now. I wasn’t too alarmed because I had about a three month break after my 10-year job ended and before I started at the nonprofit. But when I asked when he left the company, he said, “Oh…just a few months ago. Around September?”
That’s not a few months…that’s 10 months.
He quickly followed with, “but I’ve paid all my debt. I’m totally debt free.”
Not one to judge, I tried to breeze past this and not give it much thought at this point. But the no job thing will come up again.
After we finished eating, he asked if I’d like to go somewhere else to get drinks. I agreed to that. He paid the bill and we left.
We finally settled on a place to go and arrived to a quiet, really unique bar on the West side of Nashville.
When we got to the bar, he excused himself to use the restroom. The bartender asked if we were going to start a tab. Not knowing how long we were going to stay, I stalled her until he came back. We decided we’d be there for awhile so I told her we’d start one. She said, “Great, I’ll just need a card to put that on.”
I looked in his direction. He says, “Hey, can we put this on your card? I mean, I’ll get it but if we could just use your card.”
I was obviously confused, but ended up handing her my card anyway.
We talked more, when through our respective divorces and more family stuff. We talked enough for two rounds. He got antsy and asked if I’d like to try somewhere else. I was fine with that. He says, “Okay, let’s get the check. I’ll be right back, I need to use the restroom again.”
She over heard him, prints the tab and hands it to me.
What was I supposed to do with this?
I paid it. And when he comes back he actually says, “well thank you!”
We went to one other place and I pulled the same trick. It was about that time that I was ready to go home.
A few days later, he texts and asks what I’m doing that night. I had a birthday dinner to go to and let him know, he replies, “Well I was going to let you take me out to dinner.”
I laughed it off but little did I know, he really meant it.
A few days went by before I heard from him again, but when I did, he approached me with that same bold approach, “What night this week would be good for you to take me out?”
Our conversation went like this:
Me: I thought the guy was supposed to woo the girl and sweep her off her feet.
Him: I did that already.
Me: Oh…you did? I mean, it’s been awhile so I guess I forgot what that was supposed to feel like.
Him: Guess that’s a personal problem.
It was right around then that I started to think that this wasn’t really going to go anywhere.
I didn’t respond, hoping that he’d get the point. But he didn’t. He then asks, “Well, maybe we could hang out at your pool this weekend.”
My pool. This dude.
I should’ve just called it then. But I didn’t. Chalk it up to being too nice?
The pool requests came again, and again. Until I had had enough. It had been a MONTH since our last “date” and I had come up with an excuse each time to not see him, yet he still didn’t get the clue.
The final moment came when he called me at 8 a.m. on a Saturday. And when I didn’t answer, says, “I’m headed to get some breakfast then we can go to the pool.”
So, when the final request came in I said, “I need to be honest, I think you’re a nice guy but I just didn’t feel that romantic spark.”
He responds, and I’m not even kidding, “No worries. I thought it was just me. The last time that we went out I wasn’t feeling it either. I was just going to get to know you better and hang out again. Didn’t really have an expectations.”
I wonder if this is a normal thing for him and exactly how many girls DO buy him dinner. I mean he’s single, so couldn’t be that many?
The conversation ended there. For that day.
He actually text a week or so later asking if I’d be interested in getting my car detailed. He was lining up work.
I just can’t with this guy. When did guys expect the girls to pay? I understand it’s 2017 and there’s all kinds of sexism/feminism beliefs out there but (blame it on my Southern roots) I think it still falls to the man to do the treating in the beginning. I’m all about buying dinner too. But not the second date and certainly not the first.
And one more thing, I’m fine with guys not having a corporate job like I do, as long as they have a job and they are working hard at what they do. If they don’t show initiative, I start to wonder if that reflects in other areas of their life. I like someone that’s going to be on the same page with me when it comes to work ethic. Unless they are independently wealthy…